7:50 p.m. - 2004-01-24
Living by fear
So my heart's pretty heavy. I can't figure out this thing called guilt. It sucks. Sure I've had it before, but not like this. Sorrow, depression, guilt, pain, are these the things we really want to carry with us through life? Why can't anything that's happy ever stay happy? Why do people lie?

Why do we expect more from others than we do from ourselves? And why are we disappointed when they fail us?

No, I'm not being reflective today. I'm tired and upset, as I usually am when I'm up late and facing a week of challenges.

Life is never easy. But does it always have to be so hard? And why does everyone insist on making it harder?

I'm tired. I should go to bed. But if I do, I'll probably just lay there and think about all the problems that have surrounded my life.

I think that this year will be a bad year. It's already started off that way, but who knows. Maybe I'll find a way to get through it somehow.

Or maybe it's because the beginning of the year is always cold and so unmotivated that I can't get anything done.

I don't know, and I'm afraid to find out.

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