7:41 p.m. - 2004-06-26
Dying's easy.
Oddly enough I've been extremely depressed for the past few days. I don't know why this job thing bothers me so much, I thought that I was used to change.

However, the fear is phenominal. It turns in my stomach and makes me want to cry all the time. It's stupid isn't it? I'm 26 years old, very intelligent, a hard worker who is very creative and mostly passive, but I'm terrified of change.

It's human nature I suppose. I cried when I had to file bankrupcty. I will cry when I have to fill out the unemployment thing on Monday. It's stupid and sad all at once. It shouldn't bother me so much. I've poured myself into my writing to try to stave off of thinking about it, but not even that can passify me for long. The stories I tell myself in my head don't even hold my attention. I find my brain wandering back to stupid things and stupid people.

Of course I reprimand myself for allowing myself to wallow in self pity, but what good do you think it does?

The book was right... Dying's easy it's living that's hard.

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