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2:46 p.m. - 2004-10-17 I'm oddly petrafied of tomorrow, which is my first day at my new job. I keep thinking that it's natural to be anxious. I am, after all, without a safety net. But sometimes you have to take a leap. If I fall on my face, well, it's not like it'd be the first time. So what's the big deal? Why can't I get it out of my head? Why I wonder do these stupid mundane issues always get in the way? I guess because we are all mundane and boring, and stupid. Sad to think that reality is so filled with these unimportant things. Money is always such an issue. We need it to live. But do we really? To be comfortable, but to live, really? I don't think so. On another note: I'm looking into classes for next semester. Dunno what I'm gonna take. I'm really kind of annoyed with school already and I'm only in my first semester of my junior year. Why do papers constitute learning? Don't they understand that as a writing major they have no challenge for me? I read the crap they tell me to read and spend a half an hour on the paper. It usually never gets edited or anything. I write it and turn it in. So what if I get a B-. Which seems to be the lowest grade I can get. What do grades really get you? Nothing. Cs get degrees just as much as As, and being in a university for adults isn't going to look beautiful on my resume anyway. Just another pointless person with a piece of paper saying that she has potential. But potential to do what I wonder. I'm getting a degree in creative writing. Where will that take me? I think many days I should have been an accountant. That's a safe job. But when have I ever been safe? But then asking that is lying as well, because I'm always safe. Well most of the time. I've had a "safe" job for 8 years. I always use my seat belt. I even avoid sending out my writing because it's safe to keep it hidden. I don't try to tell others what I think about their work because it's safe. And when I do say something I'm wrong. So it sorta teaches you to be safe you know. On another note: I have a sort of mini vacation coming up this weekend. I think I'd almost rather be working. It's easier to hide from yourself when you're busy. I have this problem with putting off my problems until they bite me in the ass. Which of course leaves my butt always sore.
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