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9:37 p.m. - 2004-12-08
Process
I seem to go in spurts with these entries, but I guess tonight I just need to write.

The day was crap, people suck, same old. But here I am thinking about my characters. Ever had the need to just talk to someone? Even if they aren't there? I get that a lot.

Tonight I feel the need to speak to Jasmiel. My wonderful Jasmiel. Who took a nose dive to try to escape my stories without my conscent. That little bugger.

He was a character that originally I loved to hate. Then I began to see more of him. How he hated himself, didn't want to be the big bad anymore. But death? Come on, how about retirement? Pick someone else to be in charge of all evil plots. But no, I set up the rules. Leaders have to die before a new leader can be found. Damn me.

So now that he's dead he's become somewhat unapproachable. Moving on, I guess you could say. But I'm not moving on. I feel I'm not done with his story. Yet he is. Damn him.

I guess it's easier to vent my frustration at him, because he's a part of me, than it is to let others see that frustration. I work hard at hiding that part of me. But I think more and more these days, that I'm failing.

 

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