9:15 a.m. - 2006-09-19
Emotionally Unavailable
I talked to some woman at the bookstore a couple of weeks ago. She was in buying a book about her boyfriend. She complained that he was emotionally unavailable. I told her I sympathized with him. It was hard to care about other people. Hard to find and interest in love and affection.

She said after talking to me she felt better. I guess it's the realization that some people are just that way. They don't need anyone, or at least don't want anyone. Just like others are very needy, they have to have someone to complete them.

Today I fought with a "friend". I use quotes cause I guess I've never much considered her a friend. She never talks to me. Doesn't want to go anywhere with me. She tells me I'm mean all the time, even when I'm not saying anything. So I guess I don't see where the us being friends came in.

Funny how I'm not upset at all by the prospect of her not being my "friend" anymore. Hard to lose something that wasn't there. I never trusted her, relied on her for anything. That's what friendship is for me. Trust. The ability to expect of someone simple curtiousies. Tell me when something's wrong. Wanna talk out problems and seek advice. Maybe even help me with my problems.

In reality, I'm probably asking too much, cause I've never really had a friend who does those things even though I do those things for others. That leaves the question, are my standards too high? Am I too picky?

But in all honesty, I'd rather be alone than hurt by disappointment. Is that a negative outlook on life? Hmm. I think it's realistic. But idealistic individuals may see it as negative.

But hell, I never cared anyway.

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