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7:27 a.m. - 2006-11-17 Other things in my life have changed in the past year. I'm certainly more social that I used to be. Which is funny cause the warning signs flash around my head screaming look out look out when you start to trust people is when they let you down and you retreat back to your shell. Turtle that I am. I've been sticking my head out for a while now and only been kicked once or twice. I should be good at handling it by now. Years of therapy didn't help. How could anything else? So it's winter and I'm pulling away from others. I get that voice in my head that says to be a better friend you must interact more. But the stronger sense is to vanish. Stupid brain. I suppose it's trying to compensate for the warning sign that's flashing. Can't blame my brain for doing what it's supposed to do I guess. Yeah, so holidays, christmas, time of family and joy. Yeah. Not so much. This time of the year is hardest for me no only cause instinct says to hide, but because people think I'm not being a friend to them. I give gifts because I don't know how to do anything else. But it's all just stuff. And what is stuff in the end but more crap to clutter our lives? Makes no sense. But yeah, whatever.
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